


Not Mint To Be

by Ptolomeia



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Everyone cares about Virgil, Fluff, Gen, Logan saves the say, Post AA, Virgil is allergic to menthol, problem solving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:01:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27779518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ptolomeia/pseuds/Ptolomeia
Summary: Virgil hates brushing his teeth and always has. It burns, it sucks, he wishes he didn't have to, but he makes himself every day. After all, if everyone else can deal with the burning sensation, so can he.That is, until one day, Logan walks into the bathroom to get something and finds out that brushing his teeth hurts Virgil, and despite what Virgil thinks, he's fairly certain that's not how it's supposed to work.He calls in the others and they work together to figure out what's wrong and fix it. No way are they letting Virgil suffer any more than he absolutely has to.Or, Virgil is allergic to menthol, and most toothpaste is mint flavoured.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton
Comments: 17
Kudos: 105
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective





	Not Mint To Be

**Author's Note:**

> This is more or less based on my own hated experience of brushing my teeth with mint tooth paste when I'm allergic to menthol. It took me 22 years to make the connection.... Luckily for Virgil, he has friends to help make it for him. 
> 
> Also, jsyk, toothpaste DOES come in non mint flavours. It can be harder to find, but you can learn from my failures. 
> 
> My thanks to Parallelmonsoon for reading it over, and Min for the title! You guys are wonderful!

Virgil stared down at his fiercest enemy, his most hated daily battle, and suppressed a hiss. He knew from experience that hissing wouldn’t make it better, wouldn’t end it any faster, wouldn’t lessen the burning sensation. He could avoid it entirely—just go to bed without doing it at all—but the consequences? They just weren’t worth it. No, he would do it, just as he did it every night. And just like every night, it would suck.

Grumbling to himself, Virgil squeezed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush, grimaced, and started brushing his teeth.

The burning started immediately, and was only going to get worse the longer the brushing went on. He started counting to 120 in his head. Yeah, he was definitely more counting more than one number a second, but he wasn’t a damn masochist. Seriously, how did everyone else put up with this twice a day? He only brushed before bed and it still made him miserable.

He’d just reached 92 (almost done, thank GOD) when Logan walked into the bathroom and went over to the sink—the sink Virgil needed to spit into to in 26 seconds, (if you could call the counts seconds)—and slowly got himself some water.

Then he stayed in front of the sink as he slowly opened his stupid bottle of melatonin and slowly got out a pill, slowly placed it in his mouth, and then slowly drank some water to wash it down.

Meanwhile, Virgil’s mouth was not so slowly burning.

He wanted to be patient, really, he did! But his mouth was burning and there was no way to spit and get water to rinse until Logan moved, and he wasn’t moving fast enough.

Virgil started making impatient noises, mouth full of pain, and getting more and more irritated that Logan wouldn’t notice that Virgil needed sink access. He knew empathy was more Patton’s thing, but seriously dude?

Logan turned slowly (like, seriously, did the guy have ANY other speed than slow?), and raised an eyebrow.

“Virgil?” Logan asked, taking a step towards Virgil and still between him and the damn sink. “Virgil, what’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? Logan was standing between him and the figurative fire extinguisher, that’s what was wrong. Couldn’t the Side see the toothbrush sticking out of Virgil’s mouth?

Well, he couldn’t really explain with his mouth full of pain, and Logan didn’t seem to be getting his ‘MOVE’ hand gestures so—

The pain won the argument and Virgil shoved Logan out of the way, ran to the sink, spat out the hell paste people had decided was worth experiencing to not lose all their teeth and rinsed out his mouth as quickly and as thoroughly as he could. Pain dealt with, Virgil turned to face Logan, who now had both eyebrows raised.

“What the hell dude? What were you thinking? Don’t you know better than to get between someone brushing their teeth and the sink?”

“Why would I need to not get between you and the sink when you’re brushing your teeth?” Logan asked, looking more curious than anything. Ugh, right, Logic. He probably didn’t have to deal with this kind of stuff.

“Look, just because you don’t process pain doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t, ok? So, when someone’s brushing their teeth, let them spit out the pain paste before you get in their way, alright?”

Great, now Logan was giving him a concerned look, which was just TOTALLY unwarranted, thank you very much.

“Virgil, why do you use pain paste to brush your teeth? I assure you, regular toothpaste is sufficient. I know you enjoy indulging in your ‘dark and edgy’ persona, but if it is causing you literal pain and no one even knows you’re doing it, perhaps it would be wiser to—”

“I’m talking about regular toothpaste, Specs,” Virgil said with a sigh. Right, he should remember that using figurative language around Logan was always a fifty-fifty.

Logan frowned.

“Was this toothpaste given to you by the Duke? Or Deceit?”

“I’m not an idiot, Logan!” Virgil snapped. No way was anything either of those two gave him ever getting even near his mouth, never mind in it every day. “Look, just trust me on this, ok? Brushing your teeth is painful for everyone who can process pain.”

“Hm,” Logan said, frowning, and Virgil relaxed, knowing that Logan would think it over, get it, integrate it into his behaviour and then Virgil would never have to wait with a burning mouth again.

“ROMAN! PATTON! IN THE BATHROOM!” Logan shouted and Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Dude! What the hell?”

“I find it unlikely that Patton and Roman have done anything ever that caused as much pain as you are implying without complaining, never mind doing it two or three times a day without complaint. My data set is incomplete. I seek to rectify the situation.”

“What’s wrong?” Patton said, coming into the bathroom in his unicorn onesie, looking between Virgil and Logan with concern painfully obvious.

“Yeah, what d’you need us for?” Roman said, stepping into the doorway and leaning on the frame. Great, now Virgil was trapped in an over crowded bathroom with the exit blocked—just how he liked things. Well, at least Logan would learn the truth and they could all move on with their lives.

“Does brushing your teeth cause you any pain?” Logan asked.

“What? No!” And “No, is it supposed to?” came the replies. Great, now Logan knew and—Wait. WHAT?

“What do you mean, no?!” Virgil demanded. “Of course it burns!”

“No, it doesn’t,” Princey said, giving him a weird look, even as Patton’s concern intensified.

“Wait, brushing your teeth hurts you? Why didn’t you tell us?” Patton asked.

“I thought it was normal? I don’t remember a time where brushing my teeth didn’t hurt…”

Patton turned to Logan, expression pleading.

“Logan—”

“Yes, yes, I am already trying to figure out why this is the case. Don’t worry, Patton, we will rectify this situation,” Logan reassured hastily. “Now, Virgil, will you please walk us through your process of tooth brushing? Please start from the beginning and leave nothing out.”

“I just brush my teeth same way as the rest of you. We all learned it at the same time as Thomas after all.”

“And yet, you are the only one to report serious pain,” Logan said, giving Virgil a flat, level look. “Indulge me.”

“Fine,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes but secretly grateful. If there was a way to make brushing his teeth suck less, Logan would find it and that was worth a little more pain. And if there wasn’t, well, it’s not like it was suddenly about to get worse after years of being the same. He put his toothbrush back on the counter where it normally sat, and started the whole process again, narrating as he went.

“Alright, so, first I take my cup and fill it with water so I can rinse as soon as it’s done,” He said, suiting action to words. And man was it weird having the other three watching him this intently while he did this. When the cup was full, he placed it by the sink. “Then I wet my toothbrush.” He took his toothbrush and re-wet the still wet bristles, as everyone watched him intensely. Welp, Thomas was going to have some weird anxiety dreams tonight, that was for sure. “Then I apply some toothpaste to the toothbrush.” He picked up the toothpaste tube and started unscrewing the cap.

“Wait!” Logan cried and Virgil froze, mid twist. “You use the same toothpaste as the rest of us?”

“Yes?” Virgil asked. He’d definitely said that before. Hadn’t he?

Logan snatched the tube from Virgil and glared down at it, muttering under his breath.

“Uh, Teach?” Roman asked from the doorway. “Care to share with the rest of the class?”

“Our toothpaste is mint flavoured,” Logan said.

The other three shared a look.

“…and?” Virgil asked.

Logan looked up and Virgil would have bet money he was asking some higher power for patience.

“The mint flavour is achieved through the inclusion of menthol in the toothpaste,” Logan explained.

Oh.

“Wait, didn’t Virgil tell us he was allergic to menthol after we all realized he was one of us?” Patton asked.

Oh, this was embarrassing. Because, now that Logan had pointed it out, yeah, it was exactly the same sensation as his reaction to soothing creams with menthol.

“Yes, yes he did,” Logan said.

But it was worse than that, because this meant that, not only was he embarrassed in front of the others, it wasn’t going to get better. The toothpaste was mint flavoured, as was all toothpaste, and so he was going to be stuck with his mouth burning every time he brushed his teeth forever.

“Well, thanks for solving the mystery, guys. At least now I’ll know why my mouth is burning every night. Now can I please go back to my room?”

“Oh Kiddo,” Patton said with almost infuriating kindness and compassion as he took Virgil’s hands, “did you really think we’d leave it at that? We’re not about to stand back and let you suffer. Roman?”

“Already on it,” Roman said, waving a hand in the air. “What do you want, oh Emo ours? I figure black for a colour—”

“No activated charcoal, please,” Logan interrupted, “it wears down the enamel.”

“Fine, nothing that will risk causing Virgil any more damage. As for flavour, I’m thinking something dark, something mysterious, something like—”

“Cinnamon,” Logan interrupted again.

“Uh, Logan, don’t you think cinnamon is more… warm and happy?” Patton asked.

“Emotional connections aside,” Logan said, giving Patton a look from the corner of his eye, “Cinnamon oils help inhibit the growth of the bacteria that causes “bad” breath. As this is something Thomas, and thus Virgil, worries about regularly, a toothpaste that does not cause Virgil pain yet is still formulated to address this anxiety is the logical choice.”

“Virgil? You’re the one who’s going to have to brush your teeth with it, what do you think?” Patton said, giving Logan a look right back from the corner of his eye.

“Cinnamon sounds good,” Virgil said, trying and failing to suppress a smile.

“Excellent!” Roman cried, flicking his wrist and suddenly holding a black tube with ‘Virgil’s Toothpaste’ written in purple on one side, in a font that was WAY more Roman than Virgil, not that Virgil cared at all. “Here you are. Dark and spicy, just like your soul.”

That got Roman a look from the rest of them—seriously, what did ‘dark and spicy’ even mean?—but Roman just shrugged it off and held out the tube.

“Thanks, Princey,” Virgil said, taking it from him.

“Think nothing of it,” Roman replied with an easy smile.

“No, think something of it,” Logan corrected, “We need to run the experiment to see if my hypothesis was correct, or if there is information missing. Virgil, would you please brush your teeth.”

“Sure thing,” Virgil said with a shrug. He uncapped the new tube and put a dollop on his brush.

“Red?” Logan asked.

“What? You said no black. Virgil would totally rock the vampire look and, besides, red is an excellent colour.”

Trying and failing to suppress his smile, Virgil decided to start brushing his teeth instead.

He instinctively braced for pain as the brush went into his mouth—how could he not, after so many years?—but there wasn’t any. As he brushed his teeth, not rushing the two minutes this time, the warm taste of cinnamon filled his mouth. When the two minutes were up, he spat (rolled his eyes affectionately at the blood coloured spit. Honestly, Roman was such a drama queen sometimes), rinsed his mouth and turned to the rest, smiling.

“Well?” Logan prodded.

“No pain,” Virgil replied. “You were right, it was the menthol.”

“Excellent! Now, let me know when that tube runs out, and I’ll make you another,” Roman said.

“Thanks, Roman,” Virgil said.

“And next time something causes you pain repeatedly, please check with the rest of us to find out if it is a normal part of the process or not, alright?” Logan demanded.

“None of us want you to be hurting, ok?” Patton said.

“Ok, ok, anything like this happens again, I’ll tell you guys,” Virgil reassured them.

“Awesome-pawsome!” Patton said. “I think now is the perfect time for a group hug. Guys?”

“An excellent idea!” Roman said, coming away from the door and wrapping one arm around Virgil and one around Patton. “Come on, Specs, time to celebrate your genius and it’s ability to save our emo. Get in here.”

“Oh, very well,” Logan said, going for resigned, but doing an even worse job of hiding his smile than Virgil was as he joined the hug.

They stayed like that for a bit, close and warm, smiles all around and Patton nearly vibrating with happiness.

“You sure you don’t want a different flavour?” Roman asked, “I could just as easily make it orange or bubblegum or something.”

“Nah,” Virgil said, basking in the hug and trying not to let it show. “Cinnamon is good.”


End file.
